Sugar, My Ambivalence & the Affect on my Psyche

Ever since starting this journey, I have become obsessed. This is far from healthy behavior and it's starting to take a toll. Sure, it was fun at first, but now that it is becoming a chore. When something isn't fun anymore, what's the point?

I have decided to reconnect with Gift Daddy. I have a fun time with him so why not. See, this is where my ambivalence came into play. Actually my ambivalence seems to be affecting both my real AND sugar relations. Although I have been wanting an allowance, I have passed up may offers. The only one I wanted was from SD#1, and since he failed to provide me with one...A part of me is rethinking what it is to be a sugarbaby.

Sure, an allowance is nice and maybe I would be more open to the other offers if I was desperate. Yes, I am on the fence now since it did not work out with SD#1. Yes, I'm sure there is another SD out there who I would click with just as well, but how much wasted time, patience and aching of my psyche will I have to sacrifice? I still have goals in my life and this sugar is actually derailing me when it should be helping me.

I decided to reconnect with gift daddy today and for several reasons. He is nice, attractive and since it is NSA, hopefully my ambivalence will subside. I really don't know what my problem is with being so ambivalent...even to such relationships that have no strings. I guess it's any sort of (big) commitment I have to make, I have issues with. I have always known this but I guess it's pretty strong right now because I am in such a weird phase in my life.

With that said, I am going to enjoy my time with Gift Daddy and get used to his spoiling. I am lucky enough he is a sweet heart. I may not get an allowance, but it will feel "right" instead of feeling like I am selling a piece of my soul. I will also take a break from the websites if I do not hear from this one pot I am waiting on. There seems to be a lot out there who either just want booty ASAP or they are flakey. I already have little patience thanks to using it all up on SD#1. I will continue to go out with SD#1 on the rare occasion if he still asks. If not, I still had a good time and have to let it go.

In conclusion to my essay, if sugar is starting to wreck havoc on your wellbeing, it's not worth it. You either need to take a break, and I mean a real break and not just one day! Refocus and then continue your search. Your second option is to end it. And until then...We shall see.