Sugar, My Ambivalence & the Affect on my Psyche

Ever since starting this journey, I have become obsessed. This is far from healthy behavior and it's starting to take a toll. Sure, it was fun at first, but now that it is becoming a chore. When something isn't fun anymore, what's the point?

I have decided to reconnect with Gift Daddy. I have a fun time with him so why not. See, this is where my ambivalence came into play. Actually my ambivalence seems to be affecting both my real AND sugar relations. Although I have been wanting an allowance, I have passed up may offers. The only one I wanted was from SD#1, and since he failed to provide me with one...A part of me is rethinking what it is to be a sugarbaby.

Sure, an allowance is nice and maybe I would be more open to the other offers if I was desperate. Yes, I am on the fence now since it did not work out with SD#1. Yes, I'm sure there is another SD out there who I would click with just as well, but how much wasted time, patience and aching of my psyche will I have to sacrifice? I still have goals in my life and this sugar is actually derailing me when it should be helping me.

I decided to reconnect with gift daddy today and for several reasons. He is nice, attractive and since it is NSA, hopefully my ambivalence will subside. I really don't know what my problem is with being so ambivalent...even to such relationships that have no strings. I guess it's any sort of (big) commitment I have to make, I have issues with. I have always known this but I guess it's pretty strong right now because I am in such a weird phase in my life.

With that said, I am going to enjoy my time with Gift Daddy and get used to his spoiling. I am lucky enough he is a sweet heart. I may not get an allowance, but it will feel "right" instead of feeling like I am selling a piece of my soul. I will also take a break from the websites if I do not hear from this one pot I am waiting on. There seems to be a lot out there who either just want booty ASAP or they are flakey. I already have little patience thanks to using it all up on SD#1. I will continue to go out with SD#1 on the rare occasion if he still asks. If not, I still had a good time and have to let it go.

In conclusion to my essay, if sugar is starting to wreck havoc on your wellbeing, it's not worth it. You either need to take a break, and I mean a real break and not just one day! Refocus and then continue your search. Your second option is to end it. And until then...We shall see.

Millionaire #2: Sugar Rush

I went on a sugar date last night with Millionaire #2. I found out right before my date that he had contacted my friend who was on that site; nothing wrong with that, but I found out he is not as generous as my "current SD" (still in quotes as I have yet to solidify things with him). My friend said that he was rather sexual and was offering only 2K.

Although slightly put off, I went on the date. He was easy on the eyes, in his mid 40s and rather funny. He did not bring up sex and I did not bring up the allowance, although I sort of wanted to. Per my friend, she thinks he is somewhat desperate, but he said he wasn't, as I am not as well. After I said that, I realized now he certainly may not give me 4K. He did mention that "we should get me an Ipod". Hmm. He may be more of a gifts/trips daddy.

Now, I did have a pleasant time with him, dinner and drinks, but what I hate about pot SDs that do not live in my area....well things are rushed. I don't like to rush into things, although some sugar right now would be nice...hmmm

So, I guess my dilemma is...Can I be with him AND my "current SD"? Should I? Would I? Could I? Ugh. He would only want to meet 1-2 times per month, which is ok. My "current SD" gets back overseas third week of December. Now I know he trusts me and has to be still interested as I had asked for his mailing address and he gave it to me. I want to send him a small gift for Christmas. Also, I hope to see him then because it is near Christmas, but he may be with family....

Sooo what do you girls think, should I also have a second SD? My mind says yes, but could I really do it? (no pun intended lol). I would see him Sunday, and he wants me to bring him some patron, and well......take a guess, I know what he wants. Oh, and I have to call him today so I pretty much need to decided ASAP.

Man, no wonder why so many girls get burnt out fast!!!

Half Heart

I still do and want to believe...

but also trying not to be too foolish (or perhaps it's too late for that) but anyway, I am just seeing what else is out there. Casted a few new lines, so we will see. But like I said, I still have some faith in the current...

Ugh.

Hibernation Domination

Yes, yes I know you should not put all your eggs in one basket but we had a verbal agreement. My Sugardaddy recently launched several products so it is understandable why I have not seen him, since...oooh say almost two months now?

We still text although this week has been quieter than usual. I don't want to bug him, although I don't want to make him think I'm not interested. He did say it WAS okay to text him sooooooo, I guess I will shoot him a text tomorrow. Also to keep him interested, I e-mail him on occasion some of my lovely modeling photos, showing off my ASSets ;)

Anyway, I have been so busy with my life that I no longer obsess about Sugarlife, although it would be nice to seriously get the ball rolling. I have all these projects in mind but what is stopping me is the lack of sugar.

If I do not see him in December the latest, it is seriously time to move on. I just hope that I can start the new year with a big bang and lots of sugar.

Secrets, what secrets?

My brother found out today that I have a Sugardaddy. He's no dummy. He saw me get picked up by my SD's driver last week for my second date. He had asked my IRL (Sugarbaby) friend who my "rich boyfriend" was. She played dumb. Gotta love her.

Now I have nothing to hide. Why? I am a grown woman and make my own choices. What surprised me was that my brother was not phased at all. I'm actually glad he asked because now I won't have to be a ninja when I travel with my SD. My brother did ask several questions about Mr. Chemistry like how I met him, what he does and so forth. I answered truthfully and even mentioned SA.com...and then...he asked if he could get a Sugarmommy ;) Oh brother how I love you.

Now...would I openly talk about it to my parents? Hell no! They already know the other crazy shit I've done in the past and they don't need to know about this! Ironicly, my father and I have openly joked about Sugardaddies, even today. Ah...the irony. So now let me ask you ladies, how many of you have told someone about your sugarlifestyle, whether it be a best friend or family member?

Snagged - A - Dad!

Last night I ended my weekend with another awesome date with Mr. Chemistry. We went to his favorite restaurant; the food, drinks and ambiance was very nice.

After downing our first drinks, which happened to be fairly strong (and on an empty stomach), I was starting to feel less nervous. I tell ya, while getting ready for the date I was hella nervous. Sure, I knew I looked hot but oh my goodness am I no good at negotiations, hence why I was so nervous. I am glad Mr. Chemistry brought up SA and how it was going for me and if I had any new interesting messages. I told him I wasn't really looking, which was true. I wanted Mr. Chemistry to be my SugarDaddy.

From there, I told him I was glad he brought that up and asked if he wanted to make this arrangement offical, and what he thought about a monthly allowance. He said he was fine with a monthly allowance and asked if I had thought about it. I said I was thinking 5...He brought it down to $4000 pretty easily. Although I didn't hit my target amount, I think it is still substantial and good news is he said "4, to start". Sooooo this means it can only go up! Hopefully, haha.

We will be discussing details about the allowance and such this week before he leaves for his business trip overseas. I barely slept a wink last night as I am still trying to process all of this. Right now I am feeling a whole mix of emotions, which is hard to explain. Don't get me wrong, I am excited...But, I just hope I don't like this guy too much...



P.S. Hello Riss, my first follower!!! Haha. I hope you enjoy my blog ;)