Seriously?

After taking a break from sugar, I have a decent looking pot SD on the horizon, however, I don't know if I should be amused or annoyed. I had asked for his photos and he sent one normal one, and the rest were rather risque, but not nude. So ladies, should I meet him??? Do I need to get over the fact that men in general think with their other head? It seems like so many of these pot SDs are like horny teenagers but they are also the ones who are WILLING TO SPOIL ASAP. I mean, I want to be spoiled ASAP so really, shouldn't I just be amused? Maybe that one pot millionaire in the past was right, maybe I am too picky!?

A Sugar-filled Weekend

First of all, thank you ladies for the comments on my last post. Anyway, I have a couple thoughts in mind. I got pissed off this week because the majority of recent pots have been looking for booty or ONS. NO THANK YOU!!! So very annoying.

Moving on, I have a date with Gift Daddy this weekend, as well as a pot. This pot is supposedly a millionaire, at the age of 30. Yes, he is a young pot SD. This will be interesting, especially because it will be a blind date! I have no idea what he looks like. Sometimes I think that could be a good thing because I can certainly be too picky...(as I was once told from a ex. pot. millionaire SD).

There is a third who I think I will respond to. He is older but he said he will provide an allowance. I guess it can't hurt to meet up and see. He isn't rich but he said he can provide an allowance...I just don't know how much!

Sugar, My Ambivalence & the Affect on my Psyche

Ever since starting this journey, I have become obsessed. This is far from healthy behavior and it's starting to take a toll. Sure, it was fun at first, but now that it is becoming a chore. When something isn't fun anymore, what's the point?

I have decided to reconnect with Gift Daddy. I have a fun time with him so why not. See, this is where my ambivalence came into play. Actually my ambivalence seems to be affecting both my real AND sugar relations. Although I have been wanting an allowance, I have passed up may offers. The only one I wanted was from SD#1, and since he failed to provide me with one...A part of me is rethinking what it is to be a sugarbaby.

Sure, an allowance is nice and maybe I would be more open to the other offers if I was desperate. Yes, I am on the fence now since it did not work out with SD#1. Yes, I'm sure there is another SD out there who I would click with just as well, but how much wasted time, patience and aching of my psyche will I have to sacrifice? I still have goals in my life and this sugar is actually derailing me when it should be helping me.

I decided to reconnect with gift daddy today and for several reasons. He is nice, attractive and since it is NSA, hopefully my ambivalence will subside. I really don't know what my problem is with being so ambivalent...even to such relationships that have no strings. I guess it's any sort of (big) commitment I have to make, I have issues with. I have always known this but I guess it's pretty strong right now because I am in such a weird phase in my life.

With that said, I am going to enjoy my time with Gift Daddy and get used to his spoiling. I am lucky enough he is a sweet heart. I may not get an allowance, but it will feel "right" instead of feeling like I am selling a piece of my soul. I will also take a break from the websites if I do not hear from this one pot I am waiting on. There seems to be a lot out there who either just want booty ASAP or they are flakey. I already have little patience thanks to using it all up on SD#1. I will continue to go out with SD#1 on the rare occasion if he still asks. If not, I still had a good time and have to let it go.

In conclusion to my essay, if sugar is starting to wreck havoc on your wellbeing, it's not worth it. You either need to take a break, and I mean a real break and not just one day! Refocus and then continue your search. Your second option is to end it. And until then...We shall see.

Bummer

Well, I decided to just text him. It was now or never so I brought up the allowance in a lighthearted way. Unfortunately...he replied just about the same but with no clear-cut "yes" or "no". How frustrating. I guess I have to read in between the lines. It's unfortunate and I wonder if he'll even contact me again. I'm not sure what made him change his mind. I can only guess. I was so, so close...Sigh.

Accountability

This is my accountability post for me. I did a lot of thinking and realized that I need to bring up the allowance talk again next time I meet SD#1. I have a few points that I want to make to him and I am sure he will be fine with it. He said he was fine with starting at 4K a couple months ago so I don't see why anything should change; and if something did, it was that we have more trust in one another. I just need to gain the confidence, and practice my speaking points. Although e-mail would be easier to do, I don't think it would have as much credibility. With that said, this is my accountability post and I will follow through! No more excuses, I have goals to achieve.

Date with SD#1

I finally went on a date with SD#1 after not seeing him for over 2 months!!! Although there were times where I was giving up hope, I never lost faith in him. Why? Well, for starters, one of his best qualities is his consistency. He has always been consistent with his behavior, e.g. texting me, replying to my texts, etc. Past behavior is always indicative of future behavior.

Yes, I had been lightly shopping on the side for a second SD but I have been having a hard time with it. I have no problem gathering potentials, but SD#1 has certainly set the bar high: SD#1 was generous the first time we met, and to this day, he was the only one who gave me something first meeting. Secondly, he is a millionaire. He was the second millionaire I met and he overshadowed the first one because well, the first one wanted to bag me right there and then. Apparently that dude was used to desperate babies. Lastly and most importantly, chemistry! We laugh a lot together and I can poke fun at him. I also find him attractive :) Anyway, I am actually very happy with him except for the fact we are still kind of at "Pay for Play". Sigh. Will expand on it later.

Anyway, his driver picks me up at my house and I am shuttled to SD#1's house. This is my second time being there and he has a lovely place. Candles were lit. I scoped out his backyard for the first time and he has a nice pool and hot tub. We were running late and he said we were meeting some friends for dinner. WHAT!!!???? Now I wasn't upset because we weren't going to have some one on one time, but friends? I was nervous! Yes, I don't care what people think and he said the guy friends didn't care either...So I was a little worried about the women. You know how women can be! Haha.

We switch to his Rolls Royce and head over to the restaurant. I love riding in his car...It's gorgeous. He's so desensitized about his car that he always keeps saying, "It's just a car." I always catch people drooling over it. I can understand what he means...yes it's just a car...but come'on!!! It's hot. During our car ride, he was actually the one who brought up the women and how we should make up a story of how we met. Well, luckily for us, they never asked, haha. Our excuse was pretty simple--We met at a party.

So we are fashionably late and we meet his friends at the bar. Like I said, I was super nervous. I'm sure I hid it well as I am usually very confident (looking) on the outside. We get seated and the drinks start flowing before the sushi. I pretty much drank on an empty stomach but hold my liquor well. Thank god for alcohol though!!! It sure gets everyone talking, relaxed and having fun. I think I had a good rapport with his friends, and most importantly the women, ha. We all had a good time and we all got fairly intoxicated :D

We drank and ate a lot and had a grand ol' time. SD#1 told me he stopped looking on SA because he said that he found someone pretty cool to hang with! I was extremely happy to hear this and had a huge grin on my face. Since we were having a great time and this was the first time in over two months he had time to go out and have fun, I did not even want to think about bringing up the allowance. I enjoyed my time with him and his friends, and do not take his generosity for granted. He kept asking me about my plans for school and I sense that he will be becoming more generous in the near future. Ideally, I would still love to have a 4K arrangement. I guess I will play it by ear and see if or when I will be able to bring it up.

I did try to seduce him so it's not like I'm not doing my part :) Unfortunately, my ego was a little hurt as it didn't work out. lol oh well, I think we both got a little too intoxicated anyway. Overall, I had a lovely time, he enjoyed the gift I gave him, and I became 5 Benjamin's richer that night. I hope to see him soon. I made sure I busted his balls on him seeing me more. He agreed and also said he owes me shopping (Jimmy Choos!!!). I reminded him that he also owes me a trip to New York too!

Sugar Dates

Well I let Gift Daddy know that I didn't think we were a good match. He was very cool and sweet about it. Overall, he really is a nice guy and even cute, but not what I was looking for. Plus, I could see myself getting too attached.

Moving on, I got in touch with the Pot. SD I met on Tuesday and we have tentative plans to meet again next week. I will call him Mr. Sexy! I found him on Craigslist, again, which I thought I'd never do - but hey - don't knock it 'til you try it! I will bring up allowance talk as he's mentioned "physical pleasure". I do think I intimidate him - hey - whatever I can use to my advantage ;)

Last but not least, I am seeing SD#1 this weekend for sushi (and lots of sake of course :) so I am pretty excited. No shopping, which is a bummer; however, he is my Cash Daddy! Can't go wrong with cash! Hopefully he is feeling extra generous as I have not seen him in 2 months! Plus, I got him a gift that I know he'll love (or at least laugh!). Priceless.